Grunters Of Today

Maria Sharapova is judged the loudest grunter so far. At Wimbledon on Tuesday, defending champion Sharapova shattered her own personal record with a grunt of 101.2db - almost as loud as a police siren heard at close-quarters or a lion's 110 decibel roar.

Monica Seles registered 93.2 decibels, while Serena Williams, 88.9 decibels.

On the other hand, rising star Michelle Larcher de Brito's wails at the French Open could be heard three courts away, and justifiably caused her to be booed off court by spectators.

Today's grunting among female tennis stars is the norm rather than the exception. Let's see who is the best grunter amongst the world's top women players.

* Maria Sharapova 101

* Monica Seles 93.2

* Serena Williams 88.9

* Lindsay Davenport 88

* Venus Williams 85

* Victoria Azarenka 83.5

* Elena Bovina 81

* Anna Kournikova 78.5

* Kim Clijsters 75

* Elena Dementieva 73

Well, I'm fine with grunts. If you think it's too loud, just press "Mute". End of story.

And so my friends, do you think something needs to be done to govern the level of noise on the courts or just let them be?

CARPET WASH DAY

ON A ONE FINE DAY, WE WERE FORCED TO DO HARD WORK BY IBU.





WE DID IT WITH JOY SINCE WE LOVE HER SO MUCH.








AND SO WE BRUSHED AND BRUSHED AND BRUSHED. WE HAD FUN. WE WERE WET BUT WE LOVED IT!




IN THE END IBU WAS SO HAPPY AND WE GOT A DOLLAR EACH. THANK YOU IBU!

DESPERATE HUSBAND

Dear Technical Support,

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.

Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better.

I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.

Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

I eventually upgraded to Fiance 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2008.

Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.

Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.

Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes.

Wife 1..0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can't be turned off.

Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2008, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2008, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.

Help requested please

Regards,

---------------------------------------------

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from a Girlfriend application to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run everything. It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 1.2. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You are right that you cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.2 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under 'Warnings-Alimony/Child Support.'

I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application 'Yes Dear' to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C: \ APOLOGIZE. Because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Overuse of its support programs will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software.. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0.

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,

Tech Support